The Beginning

I finally remembered the password to my blog! Yay for me ;) I enjoy writing about things and being able to go back and read it. Does that mean I ever write in my journal? Never to be honest. I think there are 3 entries in it and that averages about one a year since I've had it.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life. What direction is it going? Or lack of direction maybe...... Our Pastor always says that insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Well that is definitely what has been going on here. In every aspect of my life. My home, my family, and my spiritual life.
For example.....my home.....I want nothing more than to see it organized and clean and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things would go much more smoothly if it was. So what have I done different to get these things? Well my husband hired someone to clean the house for me while I was 9 months pregnant and taking care of an 11 month old. I thought if I could only get my entire house completely clean then I can definitely KEEP it clean. Right? Well, that's a great concept but it only works if you actually change from what you were doing before!! Due to humiliation I won't even tell you how many times my house actually got cleaned and what it looks like now. Lets just say there is a reason I've been thinking about the lack of direction my life is taking. And that is just one aspect of it. So I am determined to change. I want God to use me and how is He ever going to trust me with human souls if I cant take care of what He has already given me responsibility for? So blogger world, I need you to hold me accountable. Not in a berating way but in a supportive way. Now be kind with that support and keep in mind I now have a one year old and a 3 1/2 week old baby who feels the need to be constantly latched on.