You had me from.....positive

It is after midnight but I can never sleep when my husband isn't home from work yet. And now I just spent the last ten minutes crying through the end of a movie. A movie about a young girl who had a baby and in the end she decides to give the baby up for an open adoption. I then went through the house to turn off the lights to get ready for bed and the light is still on in my little girls room. She stayed the night with my sister tonight and I broke down crying all over again when I looked in her empty bed. It's crazy the emotions that can get going just through watching a movie. I have had SO many life changing events happen in the past few months. I have watched too many families suffer through the heartache of losing loved ones and each thing has affected my life in a different way. And tonight...it was a simple movie. There is absolutely no words to describe what it feels like to have a child. But it starts way beyond that. In this case, I can remember clear as yesterday when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I was scared, excited, scared, and excited. I was scared because I had a miscarriage 8 months before. I was excited because ever since having a miscarriage I had wanted a baby so bad. I was scared because I didn't feel pregnant. I was excited to even think that there was a baby already developing inside me. Even though she would be sleeping I miss my baby girl so much right now and she's only been gone for 6 hours. But I always look in on her sleeping before I go to bed at night. And when I see her tomorrow, that hug is going to last just a little bit longer. I want to take the time to walk outside with her. Even if its just to the mailbox. She loves going outside. Im going to get my living room cleaned top to bottom so I dont have to tell her no every five seconds. Im going to not worry about the mess in the laundry room and just sit and play in the floor with her. Who knows what tomorrow holds besides God? I want to know that I never take a day for granted. Anyways, this is my heart tonight. I love you baby girl!